2017

2017

More growth, lessons and everything in between.

Firstly today is the first time I visited my blog since my last post in February.

I wanted to cringe at the post that I wrote last but I've decided to keep it there because it's part of who I was and it helped & still helps the growth within myself.

I laughed at all the "relationships" I spoke about because none of that effects my emotional state of being anymore. I guess it was important at the time. 😂

2017 this far has been one of the most challenging years for me, my business and my emotional well being.

As far as business goes it's been quite slow due to unforseen health issues with my mom. I also decided to stray away from bigger events as last year as exciting, thrilling and nervewrecking as it was it caused me to have bells paulsey from all the stress which I've never fully recovered from.

My health and well being comes first and I'm not chasing any status that much that  it would affect my well being. I've learnt my lesson the hard way. 

I also stopped going to Dr's as I am trying to go the natural route and let my body heal itself where possible. And using all the home remedies my Gran gave me as a kid  which I used to laugh at.

My friend La Mesa works in a lab that produces natural medication and she's been a star at helping me on this journey and helping me where possible with my moms medication. This has been an exciting journey as it's always tempting to go back to pharmaceuticals which help you "heal" quicker but may be weakinging your immune system in the process. It's a win lose situation.

I decided to open a So called new sector to Rocket Events which included hiring of a popcorn machine, candy floss machine and giant lawn games for events.

This year could possibly be THE year of the most ups and downs, highs and lows that I've experienced In this life yet.

I don't know how but I have kept calm and taken what this year had to offer me and i've gotten through all of 2017's curve balls it's thrown me. I am much more thankful , grateful and appreciative of life and the little beauty you can find within any situation.

If anything 2017 has taught me that I can't always be in control and that sometimes I need to sit back and let life take it's course, in the end everything will work out exactly the way it's meant to be.

This thing called adulating.

To say that I haven’t blogged in a while would be an understatement.

My last blog post was regarding love and how I wouldn’t settle for anything less than something that sets your soul on fire, I also blogged about starting my own business.

Today I will tie both of those factors into my blog post as it’s been a tricky ride for me over the last year. I have become vegetarian, I have started and registered my own company and have a few failed attempts at what I thought was love or could’ve been love.

Let me start with the adulating bit the bit that is shaping me and that has given me many anxiety attacks.

I started my company in January 2016 and registered it in May 2016. I Have since created a website, started a Facebook page, worked three events in 2016 and had lots of hours of hard manual labour. I have been pushed to do better to be better and to do things that are almost impossible until the event was completed, I have had to import things from other countries to suit my client’s expectations.

Also as a grown up you need to take a lot more responsibility and there’s so much more of that when it comes to dedicated to keep your own company going. Needless to say for tax purposes I was supposed to keep all my slips throughout the year to claim for tax purposes. I being the person whose things are always everywhere I lost all of them even though I kept them together at one stage. I have to go explain myself to SARS now, as my financial year-end is February.

My dad has also asked how I feel about immigrating and my answer was yes without any blinking or hesitation. I think the reason for me being so sure is the fact that I have felt  a lack of support from my Dad, I don’t blame him I know he has a lot on his plate and I know I am a grown woman which makes it seem funny that I would need that support but I need it, I get caught in a whirl wind of emotions often very often but I hide them extremely well. My dad has been paying a lot of attention to my sister and her completing her pilot’s license, which I understand, is important but It feels like I have been put on a back burner.

It’s the little things that get to me yes I have been given the amazing opportunity to rent space from my Dad free of charge for a year but I am seeking so much more from life. I want to get my foot in the door of my industry it’s a bit hard as I am not financially able and I often wonder if this was the right decision for me or if I was to hasty on the other hand I look back and I feel proud of how far I have come at my age and doing it all by myself, but sometimes being your own support system doesn’t work and you crash because of being expected to just being able to hold your own ground because other people think you are a “strong” person.

Immigrating sounds like a way out, a way to be independent and a way to start over. A new beginning just sounds so amazing. Where I don’t need to prove anything to anyone.

I am however in two minds about it. I am not sure if I want to immigrate to escape life here, or if I am unhappy in my present state of being. I don’t want to immigrate if I am doing it purely for running away, because running away never solves the matter that’s really at hand. I’ll be taking a few days or maybe months to make my final decision but for now it’s leaning toward immigrating.

On the matters of love. Heartbreak never gets easier; you just learn how to deal with the pain. This will be the first time I open up on the matters of the heart in this way.. I have always had a positive outlook on the subject but my opinions have changed.

 I fell in love with someone completely for the first time, with his whole being, for not being ashamed of who he was, he didn’t know but he was the reason I started becoming my true self without having to explain it to anybody. He knew I liked him I just don’t think he realized how much, we drifted and reconnected and drifted and reconnected but at the end of the day my idea or image I had of him that I so highly praised for being unique, crashed in a single night.

I hurt like I have never hurt before because for the first time someone accepted me for being me and not who I pretended to be to the outside world, It’s funny how one night can change your perspective of a person. I never spoke to him for months but we get on well again and we have remained friends and I can honestly say it was a learning curb for me I have taken so much from the ups and downs and I am grateful because through this person I have learnt to be happy with myself and not to be ashamed of who I am even though I don’t fit society’s description of so called “normal”

I also saw a guy for a few months I won’t go into detail because he blogs as well and he might end up seeing this so HIII, you know who you are. He was indecisive and I should’ve known guys my age usually don’t make life decisions on girls at a young age and are still trying to figure out this whole life thing out.

Lastly right person completely wrong timing. A blast from the past. My first actual boyfriend that I introduced my family to. It’s just messy going back to the past and therefore we both decided to just leave things and see if in the future if we still feel the same way.. Well maybe not since I might be moving to another country.

My thoughts on love were happy and I made it seem to be this wonderful thing, when in fact it is rare, extremely painful, hard to find, ruled by outer appearance rather than what inside, In short it’s messy and I am not sure if I want any part of it anymore. Maybe I’ll adopt a child and maybe I’ll be happily married and laugh at this post one day, well who knows for now I want to be alone which doesn’t mean I am lonely. You can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely if you are not content with yourself.

I’ll be working on myself from now on because everyone thinks they are content, happy, “independent”(which has many different definitions). In this society we are told what we need to be and if you have said things you will be happy. I believe no one can teach you how to be content, happy, etc. unless you know who you are and what you like and don’t like and be able to stand your ground and say flip you society this is who I am whether you like it or not, I am not completely content yet because a part of me still wants to fit in but I am slowly growing into the person I am supposed to be. I am filled with mixed emotions but it’s part of the Journey.